Free Christian Counseling: How to Deal with Invalidation

Question

I have a difficult relationship with my sister. She is not saved. Yet, I still seek to have a good relationship with her and hopes of her coming to Christ. She can invalidate me. I really need to let it go and give it to God but I hang onto it like a needy child wanting affirmation of some kind. I know she cares, however, she likes to tease me and doesn't value my relationship with God. I also have mental illness and sometimes she treats me a little bit like I am stupid which, of course, I do not like. 

I will answer your question in the following way:

Answer Part 1

I have a difficult relationship with my sister. She is not saved. Yet, I still seek to have a good relationship with her and hopes of her coming to Christ. She can invalidate me. I really need to let it go. 

Yes, you really need to let it go. People do not save people. Only God saves people. 
Therefore plant the seeds by speaking to your sister about Jesus Christ and giving her Christian books. 

However, if she does not want to hear another word about Jesus, know that you can still preach to her with your actions for the Bible tells us, Wives submit to your husbands so that even if they do not obey the Word, they will without a word, be won over by the conduct of their wives when they observe your chaste conduct. (1 Peter 3:1-2)

Therefore even if you are married to your sister, you can still speak to her about Jesus with your conduct without saying a word with your mouth. So let your good conduct do the talking and tell her about living for Jesus and then God will do what only He can do and save her at His appointed time.

Answer Part 2

She can invalidate me.  

Invalidation or devaluation is a device the devil uses to attack God's people. 

 Click here to read about the Device of the Devil of Devaluation

As you read that article I want you to note a very important point which is that the devil often uses family members and other people who “know you” very well to attack you in this manner so that their demeaning words can be taken seriously by their listeners. 
Therefore do not be surprised by the invalidation you get from your sister. 

As a side note I'd also like you to remember that people do not invalidate something that is valueless. 

Another way to look at it (pun intended) is that people do not pull down something that is below them. They have to be looking up at it to pull it down. 

So if your sister is pulling you down by invalidating you, you are above her in some way. If you do not see how, pray and ask God to open your eyes so that you can see this valuable asset in you that she wants to destroy by invalidating you.

To deal with the devaluation, emulate David when his brother begun devaluating him in the presence of the men he was speaking to by saying, "With whom have you left those few sheep in the wilderness? I know your pride and disrespect." (1 Samuel 17:28) 

David dealt with this devaluation by Turning away from Eliab (1 Samuel 17:30) and that is exactly the same thing you should do when your sister starts speaking demeaning words to you or about you. Turn away from her mentally and emotionally by disengaging from the conversation and look for a way to physically leave the place.

Do not be rude or fight back verbally by also demeaning her or try to make her stop saying those bad things about you. Just turn away from her mentally, emotionally and physically like David.

This turning away takes time and practice to perfect but you can begin by deciding that the next time she invalidates you, you will meditate on a Bible verse like I am God's masterpiece created in Christ to do good works which God prepared for me (Ephesians 2:10) as you look for a way to leave the place where she is invalidating you. 

Answer Part 3

I hang onto it like a needy child wanting affirmation of some kind.

To stop feeling like a needy child needing affirmation, you have to begin affirming yourself in the Lord. 

Learn from David when his wives were kidnapped and his men begun talking about stoning him, because David encouraged himself in the Lord. (1 Samuel 30:6)

He was all alone in that terrible situation and instead of drowning in self-pity he encouraged himself and then prayed to find out his next step.

Click here to read How to Encourage Yourself in the Lord.

I also suggest you read How to Reduce Doubt and Increase Self Confidence and meditate on those Bible verses for self esteem and self confidence at least twice a day so that you can stop relying on your sister and other people to affirm you as you will be filled with affirmation from God which does not change with seasons or your status in life. 

Answer part 4

I know she cares, however, she likes to tease me and doesn't value my relationship with God. 

Your relationship with God is very important because it can sustain you when all else in life fails. Therefore persist in maintaining it by reading your Bible and praying even if you have to do it outside your sister's house when you are commuting to school or work. 

In addition, pray and ask God to intervene and show you how to best relate to her. 

Answer Part 5

I also have mental illness and sometimes she treats me a little bit like I am stupid which, of course, I do not like. 

Having a mental illness or any other sickness in your body is not a reason to be treated badly by anyone. 

To deal with your sister's actions and words, you need to view her as a person of lesser understanding so that when she treats you like you are stupid you can forgive her the way Jesus prayed "Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing". (Luke 23:34)

Detaching from her emotionally and praying for her like this will help you move on with your life without bitterness. 

Finally, once again I suggest that you pray and seriously seek God's intervention and guidance in your relationship with your sister.